Goal Reached, Check!

I stepped off the curbing yesterday and stopped to look back. There it was, the college that will be handing me my Bachelor’s degree. The goal reached, check. Satisfaction achieved; check, even if it did take 35 years. Better late than never!

I’ve learned to dislike that word “never.”

I never (oops that word) was very good at setting goals. After miserably failing at it a few times in my younger years, I decided to not set them. Easy enough, then you don’t have that awful feeling when failure sets in. I wish I could report that was plain and simple but it wasn’t. So at the age of 23 a series of goals were set and accomplished: Driving out to Colorado alone and living there five months, pursuing an interest in the medical field and attaining an associate’s degree. Not bad. Following a goal to the end started to look worthwhile. Unfortunately that particular part of the medical field was not what I thought so I ended up in the accounting end, away from doctors. Oh well, that worked I suppose, until my husband showed up in my life.

Having four children and choosing to stay at home to raise them, the goals change. A shower before noon was my most favorite goal but some days it was not even met. “Low goals” was the mantra, “shower before noon!” Doing that kid-raising thing for 18+ years was fun and hard work and while my husband assured me he had the easy job by leaving for work every day I knew as year 18 was approaching that I was beginning to be relieved of my duties. Sure I was the Girl Scout mom and the PTO president mom and the safe graduation committee mom but all those roles were going away as my children began the exodus. What was my role now? God plays a cruel joke on us when the timing of our children growing up and menopause arrive pretty much together. Needless to say I was quite a mess of a person. 

Menopause reminds me of adolescence. You know, that endless wondering of who the heck I am and what is my worth and how do I fit in.

I’m happy to share that someone took a chance on me with all my various volunteer work and hired me part time. I learned my brain was still functioning although it needed a large amount of dusting off and practice, not to mention getting some self-confidence. Yes, I needed to build on that too, yet another reminder of adolescence.  

The self-awareness makes itself quite apparent when the children grow up. Every friend I had, every activity I engaged in and every ounce of my existence was revolved around my children. How did this come to be? How did I manage to lose myself for 20 years? And now I was to become a retired mom? What made me sad was that I was in my 50’s and never had a career (that word again!). When you are over 50 you start to think about your mortality and I felt the sadness of an opportunity missed. The communications career I started and then stopped was my interest ALL along but I just didn’t realize it. That made me sad.

Motherhood is a wonderful job and I don’t regret one minute of it. What I do regret is losing who I was for all those years. After 20 years of being mom, cheerleader, cook, taxi, fan club leader, counselor and many other things I realized the only one left to be was ME, whoever that was. I set out to learn WHO that was, and what an adventure that has been. The great part is I am not done yet and never (oh that word) will be!

Going back to college was such a remote idea when the kids were young. I started on my first associate’s degree back in 1978 after working a few years after high school but never finished it…something I was good at back then--not finishing things.

I had no idea the community college I attended still had all my credits intact waiting for my return. How could I do that? But I did. I needed to take 13 classes to do it but I set a goal and accomplished it. Not only did I graduate from Manchester Community College in May 2015 with my long awaited degree in Communications but also someone suggested I look into earning my Bachelor’s Degree. No way, that was an impossible goal. Eastern Connecticut State University disagreed.

What I have learned is goals only become impossible when we sit around making up excuses why we cannot achieve them. If it means something, it is worth the risk of going out of your comfort zone.

Stepping foot on a college campus after 35 years was terrifying. My comfort zone was shattered over the last four years every time I walked into a new class with twenty year-olds to the left and to the right. But they all reminded me of my children and my sense of humor from having four of them kept me afloat. My own kids even helped me learn about MLA, APA, indentations, expectations, lamentations and how to juggle it all. Going to college along with my children proved to be the most fun of all and I began to inspire them. I cannot lie, the Internet is a lifesaver. “How do you write a college paper?” was my most googled question. Funny thing is, I have won awards on a few of those papers. What a ride!

The most important part of all of this college education was the journey. I journeyed into the unknown and learned so much about myself. I can proudly call myself a writer now and I have a career at the age of 58. I've met some pretty great professors and some pretty great kids. The other important part of this journey is I have learned to never say “never.” 

As I stood around talking to some students that I had become very fond of in my very last scriptwriting class I decided to give them some advice. From an old lady who has become anew, I told them to always keep an open mind and NEVER SAY NEVER. I hope if they never remember me, they remember this older lady in their class told them that.

Goal reached, check.